Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Clueless

Starting the 6th sem.

Ape yg dikhabar2kan when we were in India,turned out not to be as bad as it sounded like.

Yet.


Psychiatry was bearable,but ended quite bland.Doc Maw(surgery Dpmt) said that psych was put after surgery posting as it was a time to rehabilitate after weeks of torture in surg .So how about us who started off WITH Psychiatry?

Probably it can prepare us for the road ahead aswell as to be more cautious and polite and 'suspicious' when we deal with patients. Now in ONG,sometimes I feel paranoid that almost all of them are going through post-partum blues or somewhat psychotic. Maybe we all are categorized in a certain way.

2 weeks into O&G.I'm kinda enjoying myself despite the demanding docs there. I feel that I'm finally leaving my this-is-so-meaningless days behind start stepping into the real world. Although I still have major issues on pushing myself to refresh and updating my knowledge. Lazy--ass.

I hate the fact that due to my own lack of initiative to study and revision that when I ask something,It just sounds so stupid like I just got here.

Exhibit A: Today in class I asked something somewhat irrelevant in the medical minds.

Ugh~

But I try so hard to make it sound smart.Like I know what I'm saying.Rather than just meaning what I say.Confident. I ache at the possibility(fact) that they look down on me as I know most of them do. Like whenever I clerk now with anyone, I always feel them questionning my actions,scrutinizing my decisions though sometyms really even I'm not sure myself. They have this, "Are u for real?" kinda expression.It just sucks because I should know all the basics and at times I really just forgot or simply don't know or not sure.
(refer to laziness)

I really don't blame them if they think I'm clueless,really.Because sometimes I am.I don't exactly have a good record when it comes to tests or exams.Nor in studying on regular basis OR last minute(anymore).I don't concentrate in class as well as I should,and don't take the effort to improve.I want too.Not that I don't.

I want to be here.Maybe because I have nowhere else to go.Or do I have the guts to take a turn.

My plan:
I want to treat my patients as if they are my wOrLd.Through that is how I want to be a better doctor.

But like Dic Xavier once told us,
"If a doctor is not willing to update and refresh his knowledge,than they should just quit"

Should I ?

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