Ok this is more of a guilty confession.
(kids, please dont try this at home)
SoooOoo i know i kind of promised that final year was going to be, well
YET?
The thing is when ur SO low (rewind: March-Aprill 2011) and think that ur oh-so helpless, hopeless and uve suddenly become more close to God than u ever were because of that sense of vulnerability and shame and u being at His mercy. It wipes out the man-cockiness (yes i said it) that u once had, conciously and subconciously. And at THAT precise moment, u become the most sincere person that had ever walked the earth.
*walks with walking stick in hand*
The thing is, I felt..I knew..that, I had no right to ask the impossible.
WHO the heck WAS I to ask God to give me a 2nd chance. A chance that I knew,
I foresay, have not properly earned.
Me, the girl who kept throwing promises as if my life depended on it.
Like I was the pitcher for the Yankees.*yikes*
Now here comes in the bargaining part. As if life is a carbooth sale and u can ask for half price.
(Amboi camtu beli spasang kasut amek sbelah jela oi) or like advanced loan.
"Pergh loan shark plaaak..ke skim cpt kaye?"
Bargainss like...ok I pwomise to aim higher.
I will study everyday and aim for distinction!!
If you wont let me pass, then i'll stay here and become yadda3
The proper bargain u should do is something like 'Nazar'
It symbolizes how eager u are to get what u want.
A sacrifice, difficult for man to give with all temptations.
To think u can offer Him 3days of fasting seems..so cheap of u when He,
God almighty has given u this life, with family add on.
I am in awe of those who have the strength to offer something as big as,
C.H.A.N.G.E.
And i dont mean small ones, its the whole who YOU were. *standing ovation*
Tp ' Tuhan tidak akan mengubah nasib sesebuah kaum,
selagi dia tidak mengubah nasib diri dia sendiri '
So point is kalu ko x study, tp ko doa nangis2 smpi air mate darah, tejojol lg, sujud sampai lutut dpt osteoathritisssss skalipun ur wish doesnt come true in a blink of an eye or a click of fingers.
Abg Wan reminded me that God does NOT interfere with what we do with our lives.
Because if He did, someone,somewhere out there will put the blame/ have doubts, about God, and as to why He was put in such a difficult situation,
where there are others who in our eyes deserve more crap.
When the one to blame, is totally oneself.
He gave us this life, to make our own path.
But at the same time, He KNOWS us better.
Maka kamu hendaklah sentiasa berbaik sangka pd Tuhanmu yg satu.
But bare in mind there are a few things that may helps u on ur way:
- Berkat. In what u did or do. What u eat,drink,use. WHo ur friends with and dont wrong. And there's berkat from prayers and amalan of ur predecessors or ancestors.
- Luck..as u have chosen ur own path, so coincidences do happen as a result OF ur decisions
- Angels, malaikat, when someone they're watching over, is somenone who is kind/ pure/ sincere/alim/warak/ a man of God..someone they tend to like/love his or her attitude, they have this ability to guide or light ur way to a better path. They plant an intuition, a thought, a necessary doubt in ur heart..that makes u make if not the right, but prevent u from making wrong. Ring a bell?? --> Inception??? *ding dong*
- Life is like 'The Lord of the Rings', when EveryONe, and I mean every living thing, even the freekin walkin trees, have a role to play to save the world. Its like, Elijah Wood(k i totally 4got his name in this) was the only person who could wear the ring. Golum was the only one who knew the way/shortcut. But SAM was also important to slap some sanity into Frodo (ahA remembered!!).
K i know ur thinking "what does this hafta do with ortho"
It has nothing and everything to do wit it
What im trynna convey is that , these past 3weeks were a total LOST.
And Im to blame.
They had given us freedom to self study, but self study= Zzzzzz in my twisted head.
I HATE myself!! uggghh~
I made promises, that I have yet to KEEP!!!! *bangs head on wall*
Hijrah!!!!!
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