Although its the best stress reliever, I've felt that it won't bring me any good. Letting them spill too much aside from during watching a heart wrenching soap drama, is just pointless in the battlefield. A sign of defeat. Accepting the facts raw. Its cocky I know. Letting myself go will only make reality bite me in the ass.
It doesn't help that I feel dense most of time these days. Bit by bit I lose my old self.
But I do want to cry in front of You. I want to beg for forgiveness and a chance to prove myself. A chance to be better. A better person for You. A better person once I get out of here because being here will only destroy me. And the only way is by holding on to You. How silly is it that I can't do it when facing You five times a day but here I am blogging away to You. How technology can go so far.
As we walk this earth on borrowed land in a borrowed form, we mostly live for others more than for ourselves. We live to satisfy or impress others and it gives us the feeling of relief and adoration when we achieve to do that. I want to do this for my parents, I want them to be proud of me for something without realizing how much screwed up I really am.
My parents sometimes think the world of me when Im really just so tiny that google earth can definitely NOT find me. Sometimes, I really hhope they would just think the worse of me and set the bar low for me. But regardless of that, if only I can bring them a small token of appreciation for how well they've raised me, proof that they did their best and they have never and will never fail me, I would give up my life for that. I would give up those foolish tears..I would exchange myself for emotional slavery.
But it's not just up to me though. I need You. Everyone needs You I know.Im selfish like that. But can't I need You more? You know how much I've astrayed in the path of finding You.And I've always wanted to find and hold on to You but Ive been to foolish and scared. Its just been too dark and Ive given up too many times and the tunnel just gets deeper and deeper the longer I stall. So before I get lost in this dark abyss can You please shine me some light and show me the way out?
Yours Truly, Me
4 comments:
Hi there.. i'm your biggest fan.. haha *blushes*
we all feel the same way.. that small narrowed tunnel, that need to have the small token of appreciation, thepleasesetthebarlower, the need of a light of guidance by Him..
Be strong, Dr. Syuhadah. You'll make one heck of a doc.
Allah s.w.t is with those who are patiently persevere.
InsyaAllah. ;)
neens im really sorry x reply msg n all. I was at Hanims room asleep huhu plus my fon masalah cannot terima msg td so i left it in my room..charged it and all.thanx for wishing me well.we'll just have to wait and see what happens and pasrah je la.huhh i love u hons :-*
p/s : of course ur a very well known stalker of mine but hanims the silent stalker and ur my loyal open stalker hehehe
*woot2*
aku pon stalker ko gak syud!haha=p
lets pray for a miracle form Him,,huu
sape tuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!! Nuraa eehhh?? hukhuk
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